Wills?

Will I ever go thru pregnancy again?
Will I ever get the chance to deliver a baby the natural way?
Will I have the baby boy I having been dreaming of?
Will I just have miscarriages for the rest of my life?
Will the night anxiety go away?
Will Natalie stop asking for a brother or sister?
Will I be able to give my daughter the sibling she wants?
Will I be successful at losing the weight I need too?

The questions I have that wish could be answered. These are hard to have answered.
I am a lazy person, in which I am trying to overcome. To overcome my laziness, I will be able to accomplish some of these. Not much but some. There is a sense of loneliness in this endeavor. No one can help me do everything, I need to do it myself. I hate being alone but yet I love my "me" time. I see others life and family time and it seems that they have it all together. Ton of friends, busy all the time, never being alone and succeeding in everything they do. I do have envy for these people at times.

My main concern is having another child. I want to have 4 kids but at this point in time it doesn't seem to be going that way. I was able to conceive Natalie in one month, so easily. Now it has been almost 2 years that we have been trying. We have had one major miscarriage and 4 chemical pregnancies. I am emotionally drained with this. I have had theories that I need to lose some weight to conceive again. I have done okay for a little while but now it is getting harder and harder to stay on task with the weight loss. It is like I have no drive to get where I want to be. Mentally I do not think that it is possible for me to get there. So it is easy to give up. I need a major support system. Yes, my friends and family support me but I need someone or something to fuel me to get it done now. Not support me and then stop because life gets busy. Is there anyone out there that can do that?

Time for a major change, more than any other time before.